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boyfriend’s family living with us! HELP!!!!?

Question by Yasmine: boyfriend’s family living with us! HELP!!!!?

Wow- I had no idea what category to put this question in. I’ve asked a couple questions similar to this awhile back- I’m not sure where I should even start- OKAY- My boyfriend’s mother and 3 sisters + one sister’s boyfriend have moved in with us- His mother is going through a divorce, and has two 11 year olds and a 20 year old. Very long story- But basically we are all living together now.
All in all it’s been a bit harder than i had anticipated…I could go on forever about the things that irritate me- BUT the biggest one at the moment would have to be with my 6 month old maltese.
His mother has a dog too, whom she has “trained” in ways I’d never want my maltese to behave…For example before they moved in my dog was trained to use the restroom outside- After they moved in he has begun using the “potty pads” which are placed all over the house for her dog- I expressed in the beginning that i was against training Louie to use the potty pads, but that wasn’t heard- I mean she never exactly “trained” him, he just picked it up from the other dog.
When i am at work or at school- I try to leave louie in what little space is “ours”, we have the master bedroom- She feels badly for him and lets him out to have free run of the whole house- He has already torn up carpet, etc…Which isn’t his fault, he is a puppy and there was a lack of supervision. They feed him people food or whatever he wants- Etc…It’s seriously making me crazy!!! Louie doesn’t even listen to my boyfriend or me anymore. He has absolutely no manners…Is allowed and encouraged to bark, take food from their hands…jump up on their laps when they are eating…ETC…He isn’t scolded for using the bathroom wherever he pleases-
I’ve expressed a MILLION times that i would appreciate if they just let Louie be until i could come home and care for him- I work very close to home so come home at least twice a day- My boyfriend on the other hand works all day, sometimes 10+ hours..
They will follow my requests for a little while until it all goes out the window again and Louie is back to doing whatever he pleases. I end up scolding him and am sure i’m seen as the bad guy in his eyes-
I don’t know what to do anymore- It’s sooo frustrating, he is a very expensive AKC maltese and I feel all the training I’ve been through with him has gone out the window. They see no problem with how he acts…Anyone been through anything like this??? Any advice?? I have no idea what to do any longer…
thanks for all the great answers– I suppose i’ll have to give the kennel a shot once more? He had a pen i would put him in during the day but that just wasn’t cutting it…Oh and my boyfriend sees my point- His mother doesn’t quite understand how irritating it is for me- My boyfriend and i have had many fights about this- but somehow she always just laughs it off- Like once she asked why I bother to close Louie up in the room because she’ll have him out the minute we leave- It’s really the biggest issue- They do split the rent with us- I try to separate myself from the other situations but ruining my expensive maltese is just making me nuts- He has the ability to be a good dog- But these people just don’t see it the way I see it- They have a totally different way of treating a dog- I’m going insane!!!!

Best answer:

Answer by Socion
I gather you are not gone more than a few hours at a time. Install a lock on your bedroom door. Crate Louie so he doesn’t use your bedroom for a toilet or chew the carpet. Set a deadline for your boyfriend’s family to be out of your home, and if they don’t meet it you have some decisions to make. In a situation like this, you may have no legal right to kick them out. If that is the case, if I were you, I would move out. Every second you will have to be watching your dog because of the pee pads that are all around the house. Get a a baby gate and either confine the dog with the pee pads to one room or confine Louie to a room where there are no pee pads. Really you should demand she housetrain her dog if it’s going to be in your home, it is disgusting and lazy to let a dog eliminate in the house. But the woman sounds like a trainwreck, I don’t see how you would be able to get her to do anything.

P.S. Certain types of crates can be securely padlocked.

I hope Louie has been cratetrained. If he barks and whines simply because he can hear the activity in the house, you can leave a sound machine playing white noise (similar to static) in your bedroom.

When you are home, you can keep Louie by your side by attaching his leash to your belt.

You could use a pen in your (locked) bedroom if he had not had this setback in housetraining. (Not his fault, I know.) Get whatever lock(s) you need to stop her. You shouldn’t have to defend this, it’s your dog. But you can say Maltese will develop bad traits if they are allowed to take over as the boss of the house. I would be extremely worried about the safety of my toy dog around such irresponsible people.

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  • Have you had your boyfriend speak with his family? Maybe get a lock for your bedroom door in the meantime?

    Then only thing I can say is I hope you can figure this out, and quickly. If it comes to a time where you and your BF get married and have kids and your authority is constantly being undermined by your then mother-in-law….it’s going to be a huge problem.

  • Did they just move in with you for a short time? Is it your place? If it is your place then you have every right to tell them the rules or they can find a new place to live. If it is not technically your house then it would be a bit more difficult. If that is the case then I would suggest looking for a new place to live. Unfortunately some people are too stubborn to listen. My dad is the same way – my mom watches my dog while I am at work and I don’t table feed him, but when my dad is around he sneaks him whatever he can because he thinks it makes him the good guy. No matter how many times I tell him Stewie gets sick from table scraps he just doesn’t listen!

  • If it were me I would buy a canal for my dog with a lock on it so they can’t let him out. Or I would kick them out, if they can’t respect my house and my rules out the door they would go. I wouldn’t care if they are family or not. IT is just disrespectful.

  • You need to put your foot, down. It is YOUR dog and YOUR home. If they aren’t going to follow the rules they need to go. Unless his mother has no job and the same goes for the 20yr old they should be able to afford a 3 bedroom apartment.

    Is this mean? YES but guess what they are turning your dog into a complete and utter terror. This needs to be nipped in the bud and now. When in doubt put a lock on your bedroom door and don’t allow them access to the key.

    Your house your rules.

  • Here is the bottom line. Put those people out of your house. That 20 year old can help earn money to keep them. I couldn’t put up with that crap for more than a few minutes. There are shelters, the YMCA, and other places they can go. Why do you want to live in hell? If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, then it’s time to find a new boyfriend, too.

  • How long are they going to be there? It’s your’s and your boyfriend’s home and it seem’s that they (and their dog) are walking all over your home and you! I would be livid! You must discuss this with your boyfriend and both of you discuss this with, not just his mother but the rest of the family, as it is affecting your dog as well. This may help or it may do nothing as I do not know what his mother is like. But she is not respecting your home and she should be greatful for you and her sons consideration for allowing the family to move in with you. However it sounds more like she and the family are taking advantage of you and your boyfriend.

  • Unfortunately, your situation is more on training the humans around your dog than training your dog. He’s getting mix signals and this will confuse and frustrate him. Your Bf’s family needs to respect your wishes, if they can’t then they gotta go. This is your house right? The peeing on the wee wee pad isn’t a bad thing as long as it’s on the pad, the acts of destroying things is a sign of frustration. Don’t take it out on the dog, tell your bf to talk to his family to respect your wishes. Good luck.

  • I agree with the kennel and lock in your room. Is his family living with you a permenant situation? If its not maybe you can just continue to politely ask them (with whatever results) and when they leave re-train Louie. It sucks but it sounds like your MIL is just not going to respect your wishes for Louie.
    Good Luck though!

  • I am amazed that with all these people in your house, that the biggest problem you have with all this is,…..THE DAMM DOG!!!! Get rid of all those muts!!

  • Sorry honey but I would have to put my foot down and say “Listen up everyone, here are the rules and you either abide by them or find another place to live”

    What is your boy friend saying about this?

  • wow – what a HUGE pain….It is a giant pet peeve of mine when people who are living under your roof or even visiting don’t respect your requests while they are in your house…ESPECIALLY when it comes to the training of your pets…I would suggest locking the bedroom door even getting a kennel with a lock on it….all Responsible dog owners know that there is nothing wrong with a dog being in a kennel while you are away (except a puppy needs daily attention – but it sounds like you do that by coming home during the day) My wife and I are huge fans of the dog whisperer and it sounds like you have a CLEAR case of you trying to be a great “pack leader” to your dog but your boyfriends mom is sabatoging you! Id tell him he needs to tell her – I don’t really know if its your place to confront her, as awkward as it might be a big discussion/fight about it might make her realise how much it bothers you….You need to basically pull a “MY HOUSE MY RULES” type stance…if she does not like it she can move out – the thing is, your boyfriend has to feel the same way….otherwise maybe you move out with your dog until they are gone? do you have family you can stay with for a bit?

  • its your house. you set your boundries if your boy friend objects then he is not respecting boundries either ill tell you if you dont get a handle on thes your the one that willl want to move out and leave them all together sorry to hear this is tough but you gotta take a stand and let what ever happens happen good luck have a house meeting and let them know your stuff in a diplomatic way ask first if they are finding things well and if they are comfortable after that then you say its an adjustment but there are a few things that i need to say also and then take a deep breath and say it just remember that Mark Twain lived through many tradgities and problems non of which ever happened what im saying is that we build up stuff in our own minds and think that that is the way it will turn out but how often does it turn out that way almost never so take your shot kid they will get over it

  • One alternative to the kennel, is to have a family sit down. Tell EVERYONE EXACTLY how you feel about this and that you think it’s unhealthy for a dog to eat people food, that you do not want him running loose in the house unless you are there… and put a LOCK on your bedroom door so that your boyfriend’s mom can’t let him out anymore. That might be a cheaper and easier solution.

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