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PLEASE DO! PROOF READ FOR ME, It’s midnight because .. 100 points for it?

Question boubacar b : PLEASE DO! PROOF READ FOR ME, It’s midnight because .. 100 points for anyone that? There are many great athletes who have behaved so they are very poor models for young people who look up to them. Athletes are an inspiration for young people because they watch every move they make. For better or for worse, young people observe and imitate their behaviors, actions, values, beliefs, and even their expressions. Modeling is important because it is the primary way that children learn values ​​that will last for the rest of their lives. Michael Phelps, the greatest swimmer and one of the greatest Olympians of all time, has won 14 Olympic gold medals in his career, won the most of any Olympian. He broke all world records in swimming 37 but he is a role model for young poor. For example, he recently revealed that he does not care what he eats. He said he can not eat a diet rich in fat sugar / high and can still operate at peak levels. A typical example of the breakfast is as follows: Three fried egg sandwiches, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise, 3 eggs omelet and grits, three slices of French toast with powdered sugar, 3 pancakes with chocolate chips and 2 cups of coffee. Many teenagers admire should not aspire to this regime because it is a recipe for disaster for the health of young people. This type of plan is the establishment of many young people for many diseases in later life. For example, heart problems, vascular disease and diabetes to name a few. Obesity is a major problem in our country and for those who do not exercise as much as Michael Phelps fact, this system could lead to that too. I think this scheme is certainly not a positive role model for young people suivre.Un Another example is Barry Bonds. It is listed at No. 6 on the list of sports news 100 greatest players in baseball makes Bonds highest ranked player active in the sport. However, it was recently revealed in the media that he took steroids to better results on the ground. For this, many consider it a cheat. For young people who look up to him, it sends the message that it’s cool to take steroids. When a model is a bad choice, some young people may actually see as appropriate behavior for them to imitate, because their model did. Children need to learn that playing sports, a code of conduct is necessary. Although it may seem unfair sometimes, the rules that the game worth participating in. Bond has lost young adults who turn to him as a model. Simply because of his behavior inapproprié.Michael Vick is an example of an elite football player for the Philadelphia Eagle National Football League, but he is a poor role model for young people who look up to him . He chose to brutally abusing innocent dogs. This could lead young people to think it’s cool animal abusers because their model does. The extent of his bad behavior is the following: dog fighting, gambling, tolerating drug use and sales in these battles, and tax evasion. Its methods of killing dogs include drowning dogs, electrocuted and strangled by hanging abused all his dogs. This is not a case of treating dogs royally until they lose a fight. This is an example of a bad treat all dogs. In addition, yes, it is included torture (which is often a way of “training” a dog for dog fighting). Finally, these athletes have chosen to make a bad choice and some young have them be following their lead. Actions by some, those words, behavior and the like, can lead children to those of morality that you want to give. But athletes are irresponsible and, therefore, young adults and children should not look to these athletes as modèles.Meilleure response: Response

by Cosimo) O (
first paragraph, last sentence> Role models are important because they are … Second paragraph -> High fat, high sugar diet – slash / is not allowed in formal writing; Breakfast> Typical is the following: three … colon does not mark the end of a sentence, so no capital T> Use words, not numbers (two three …)> Missing “that” after “children” Third paragraph, last sentence> This is not a sentence (no verb) – must be attached to the preceding sentence by a tiretQuatrième paragraph:> Mistreatment [not Treaty] of all dogs, including torture, which is often used as … Last paragraph:> Delete “a” in the first sentence> In the second sentence, the pronouns are incompatible – change all occurrences of “a “to” your “> Last sentence: These athletes are irresponsible and therefore … should not look like models.

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